Ashes Round the Yard
by Kali Cephirot
Summary: Ritsuka isn't sure if he'll be able to give Soubi the orders that he needs right now. RitsukaxSoubi, FINISHED


**Ashes Round the Yard.**

What wakes him up is Soubi tightening his arm around his waist, but it's sudden enough that it startles Ritsuka awake from his nightmares of fire and pain and of Seimei being someone he doesn't know and doesn't understand. Just for that, he'd be thankful, but by the way Soubi is holding unto him, he just woke him up by mistake.

He can't see Soubi's face, but his breathing is too fast, his whole body tense, as if expecting to be hit. When he tries to move, Soubi's arm around him tightens almost to the point of pain. Ritsuka ignores it.

"Soubi..."

There's a soft, unhappy sound but the pressure doesn't ease away. It takes him a little to wiggle enough to move one of his hand to Soubi's face, up his jaw, feeling the bite of metal and then the smooth, sleek slide of Soubi's hair agains this fingers..

"Soubi, wake up," he asks. It takes a few moments but he hears when Soubi gasps away and he feels the way he tries to move away from him so Ritsuka doesn't let him, keeping his hands where they are and pulling a little so that Soubi'd stop, bu he keeps trying to pull away. "Soubi, stop it!"

At that, Soubi does stop, for all that Ritsuka thinks that, if he could see him, Soubi wouldn't be looking at him.

He's not sure what to do, when Soubi is behaving like this. All these months, he has gotten used to Soubi knowing and acting cool and in control, of Soubi smiling as if he was always a step ahead of him. The Soubi he has screamed to and called a pervert and cried for is different than this one that's so scared.

"Soubi..." Ritsuka doesn't say anything else. His voice sounds un happy and perhaps a little frustrated, but mostly, he doesn't know what to tell the Fighter.

Soubi sighs and Ritsuka hears the covers shifting, and he thinks that Soubi must have raised his left arm to his face, to press against his eyes.

"Ritsuka..."

"Don't," he interrupts when he recognizes Soubi's tone, and then he has to make his voice sound angrier because he doesn't know yet how to order, not the way Soubi needs him too and usually it's okay because Soubi makes do, with broken orders and whispers and the silent things that Ritsuka asks him, but now... "Don't apologize."

Soubi shudders, a deep, bone hard shudder that seems to go right through Ritsuka. He feels a little cold, the same hurt deep inside spreading through his body and he hates it. He makes himself swallow and his hands curl and uncurl over Soubi's shoulders. Then, a little unsure, he moves his hands down Soubi's arms, over his sides, slides them down over his back and he feels the curl of his shoulderblades beneath the palms of his hands.

"Kiss me," and if his voice doesn't sound as angry as he thinks an order should sound (because that's the way his mom sounds when asking for her real son to come back) at least he doesn't stammer, and he doesn't really wait for Soubi to speak. He leans against him and he closes his eyes real hard, pressing his lips against Soubi's and this at least is more familiar, even if it's been a long time since Soubi last kissed him.

He feels it again, under his fingertips and against his mouth the way Soubi shudders before he opens his mouth. His arms keep wrapped around him, but it's still Ritsuka the one who has to shift closer. Soubi kisses him like his heart is breaking, and that is breaking Ritsuka's heart too, and it's squeezing tight inside him each time it beats. Gently, Ritsuka curls his hands and uncurls them again, presses his legs against Soubi's jeans-clad ones and he shivers a little.

He's used to Soubi acting weird but this is a different kind of weird, a different he doesn't like.

Ritsuka has always liked the way that Soubi, sometimes, makes him feel safe, how when he holds him tight he could, if he wanted, burrow against his chest and hold on but now--

Now it should be him, he thinks, the one who should make sure he doesn't feel... to make Soubi feel--

Wanted. That's the word he'd been missing, before. He knows how that feels, the way slaps and screams broke him at first and how he'd curl with Seimei and how Seimei would make him feel better and... he can't order Soubi not to think about Seimei, because Ritsuka can't do the either. But maybe, what he can do might be at least something for Soubi to know that he isn't... that he is...

Ritsuka kisses him again, wraps his arms tight around Soubi and then he sort of pushes, his body and his legs and his hands, just a little, rolling Soubi onto his back and going with him, straddling him. He feels ridiculous, like this, too small and too thin and too fragile and the fear that he can't do a thing to protect anyone, not even his memories, bites the back of his throat. This might've been a terrible idea, he thinks, and he's shivering a little. His heart is beating too fast and he can't protect anyone. Not like this, not--

"Ritsuka..."

He can't really see Soubi's eyes in the dark, but he can feel them, focused on him. Soubi is rock-tense underneath him, and carefully, Ritsuka moves one of his hands from Soubi's shoulders to the middle of his chest, feeling his heartbeat. It's surprising, a little, that it's beating as fast as his. He can't really see Soubi but he has an idea of how he must look like and Ritsuka smiles, hoping that Soubi can feel it somehow.

"Idiot," he calls gently, before he moves against Soubi a little, trying to find a way to just do this. Soubi gasps, hands trembling as they touch the skin of his thighs. Ritsuka tries not to think too much about this because he has done this before, kinda, alone in his room, moving slowly, but it's different when he can feel Soubi getting hard for him, when he can feel the way Soubi shivers, can be almost sure that the way Soubi is gasping now isn't because of pain or fear and it's almost too soon, after that, when he's done, almost too soon but for the way Soubi presses a kiss against his forehead.

He's dozing off after that, still half drapped over Soubi, still wishing he could cover him and make him feel safe when he feels him try to shift away.

"Stay here," Ritsuka murmurs, and what lacks in strength in his orders is in the way his arms and legs tighten around Soubi. "And get some rest."

Soubi doesn't say a thing for a few precious seconds, long enough for Ritsuka to wonder if he did something wrong, if he made a mistake, if this wasn't what he should've done to make Soubi feel better. But then Soubi sighs and his body relaxes enough that Ritsuka is able to snuggle, and one of his Fighter's arms wrap around him.

Ritsuka smiles before he allows himself to fall asleep again. Soubi doesn't smile a fake 'understood', just holds him as close as he possibly can and that, Ritsuka thinks, might be more than enough.


End file.
